Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 cheers.

50 degrees. last of the ice. last of the beer. for now...

the best part about a thaw is that SMELL returns as an available sense.

I just went through a mixpack of double/imperial IPA's...three were from colorado, interestingly enough. Lot of little upstart breweries out there, huh? It's kind of cute. Like, when Starbucks first came out and people thought it was fun to start coffee shops. Thankfully, here in MI, we have no coffee shops. just breweries. that have been here a long time.

Guess which one was the best? Ah yes, but of course, Founder's Double Trouble Imp. IPA. Michigan just makes better beer. Colorado should just stick to skiing in colorful clothes. They do that well out there.

that's the last IPA you'll see me drink for the winter. back to stouts/doppels/scotch ales.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

New year's nearly here...

This sums up everything i feel about this serious bitch of a past year.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Happy Holidays.

my xmas day challenge to all of my facebook friends is for Total Viewings of A Christmas Story on TBS's 24 hour marathon showing of the film. I'm currently at 1.5 views, going for 4 total viewings today. partial viewings DO NOT COUNT AT ALL. The winner is entitled to round of drinks at the bar of their choosing, up to two additional friends all purchased by the brokest person anyone knows: me!

i've also been offering up beers for movie trivia questions i.e.

what is the name of scut farkus' "toadie" sidekick in the movie? i think they say his name like once. no wiki cheating either, santa's job may be done, but that naughty cheating shit rolls over into 2011.

good luck all. after my run this morning, i'm hitting the eggnog like it insulted my mother and you can guarantee i'm gonna hit AT LEAST 4 total viewings of A Christmas Story. may the best man or woman win.

Green Monster Challenge

well this guy JT, whose blog i read because he lives in a place that's better for running than i do (and he drinks beer)...has presented an open Challenge for the 2011 year.

it involves these things:
Green Monster drinks. Gotta drink at least 100 of them in 2011. Maybe more like 103, to take it.

that's the link to this crazy canuck woman's blog all about these gross sounding smoothies. apparently it makes her "glow." but i think that has more to do with living a little too close to one of canada's 20 nuclear power generators.

anyway, i need something to do. so...

Friday, December 24, 2010

Holidazed and Mistletoe-ing the Line.

My brother is in town for the festivities. In his honor:

I remember when A-trak just used to scratch. Yeah, i know! I'm fuckin' old! and so is he!

Well, let's see here now uh...I've been off dat bad ol' methadope for about 6 days! Whoa almost a week! That also means i've gone almost a week without SLEEPING! how does he do it folks?!

-jerking off
-slapping own face
-saying things like "oh just fall asleep you dumb fuck."

occasionally if i take everything in the medicine cabinet that says "may cause drowsiness, especially when mixed with alcohol" and i combine it in a big punch bowl full of beer...i can get about two hours of sleep. then i reawaken, completely impervious to the boat load of cold medicines i just took.


i went to my doctor and i told him "hey, i know we don't get a chance talk much, buddy old pal, but lemme give you a brief rundown of my 2010..."

...debriefing (in the informative sense, i swear) ensues...

doc: "oh ok, yeah, we've got a little combo that we use for inmates that have to rapid detox before going to prison."
me: "does it involve hiding stuff in my asshole?"
doc: "no. it's a blood pressure medication to help keep your heart from crawling out of your mouth and also a high-powered, non-narcotic antihistamine you can double down on before bed to get some sleep."
me: (after disappointed pause) "that sounds great! i'll take it!"
dock: "lastly, i'm really surprised to hear all of this because i generally consider myself to be really sharp at noticing addictions. i had no CLUE at ALL! hahahaha!"
me: "ahhahahaha! crazy! this is crazy! it's crazy how long i'm typing this stupid conversation!"

apparently, i make a FUCKING AWESOME drug addict! i can't wait to put my skills to use once i get my hands on some high-test smack! kidding!

anyway, the worst worst worst part about withdrawals is trying to get myself to run. after all year of hard work, it sucks to get sidelined by something stupid for which you've no one to blame but yourself! bummer!

it's 6:00am and your junky body won't sleep anymore, do you know where your favorite beer is?

trick question, it's already on my cereal! YESH!

i swear i'll have a running post up soon. i just need my magic solar cosmic sundial watch to down transmit it's data to my little white brain...the one with keys on it that i stare into way too many hours out of the day. yesh.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

wiped out.

woman! woman! WOMEN??!!
or in other words, it'd be like calling it "The Leadville 100 foot-path nature stroll"

listening to Don Cornelius' voice with the bass WAY up is the only relief. Saturday 12/18/10 was the big day. I'm now 36 hours-ish with methadone and MY BROTHA LEMME TELL's super bad. ok ok ok. last video...GO!

aside from the stupid joking, all of those videos are worth watching/listening to. except for maybe methadone guy a.k.a. Mr. Obvious a.k.a. Debbie Downer a.k.a. I need to go shit again.

i love life?
i love life!

Monday, December 13, 2010

week beginning 12/6/10

after last week's very sudden deep-freeze, it seems that this year's winter is really here with a vengeance. it is not out of the question to have a snow-less christmas morning in the upper 30's/lower 40's... but this time i'm gearing up for a brutal season. michigan winters are characterized by very low temps, fairly high humidity and eternally lead-gray skies. we get very little of the consistent, high-quality snow of the U.P. (not that we have any hills to ski down), we don't have any of the beautiful, crisp clear sunny days like they have out in the rockies and the humidity tends to make the cold much more bone-chilling. i'm seriously not trying to bitch about it, but winters here really do grind on you. just the complete lack of sunshine alone tends to drive everyone crazy by about february.

all of that aside, i'm trying to be as proactive and prepared as possible. i've got my snow shoes all cleaned up and ready to rock. i found some hand-me-down XC skis and i'm hoping to find a pair of cheap (ideally free) boots ASAP. i have a pair of MICROspikes on order for my running shoes and, as a last ditch, i've got my gym membership to fall back on.

speaking of which, i've been joining my dad for aerobics classes at the YMCA a few times a week as some additional cardio to round out my shorter-than-usual runs. for the most part, i've been pretty impressed. i had pictured old fat ladies doing trunk twists and half-assed (or extremely full-assed, i guess) squats while listening to the "dance" version of jason mraz songs. unfortunately, some of this turned out to be true, but thankfully the classes are also some pretty damn good cardio and it's also giving my quads, abs, lower back and hamstrings a very nice beating. i think i may keep up on this classes all winter, just as something new to keep my workouts fresh.

lastly, the super cold running is getting slightly easier. the transition to winter is not nearly as painless as the transition into 95 degree summer days, but it does still happen. yesterday, i did about an hour of trail hill repeats during our first major blizzard of the year and i literally had chunks of slush accumulating on my eyebrows during the descents.

i've also been doing quite a bit more speedwork in the last couple of weeks. it feels good and i'm planning on keeping it up over the winter. i've never been very fast, so it's definitely an area i need to work on.

The most important part of winter living in Michigan is keeping your blood full of natural anti-freeze so as to prevent frostbite or, even worse, death!

finally, i think the methadone tapering has really turned a corner. i don't want to jinx it, but last week's step down from 9mg's to 7mg's was super hard but now that i'm at 6mg's...i feel fine, i think. my plan right now is to stay at 6 this week, go down to 5 on friday, let that ride for saturday and sunday, too and then...Quit. Yeah, Quit with a capital "Q." I think that I've gotten low enough in my dosages that i can finally stop the methadone with as little discomfort as is possible. as it stands, these low doses aren't really very efficacious anyway, so i'm taking that attitude that rather than draw out the withdrawal process unnecessarily...i am now at the point where i should quit outright. as this plan coincides with my first week of christmas break from work, i feel like i should be able to suffer a bit in private, take care of myself as best i can and weather the storm in as comfortable a situation as i can. i know it's still going to be pretty rough, but i think it won't be as bad as withdrawing used to be and i think i can pull it off. as i type this, the idea of finally being clean just makes me so excited and happy. man, i hope this works and i know what i'm doing...

weekly total: 52 miles ran, two gym classes, 4 days of weights and/or core work.

Sunday, December 5, 2010


ok... getting back on track now. update on the past two weeks:

I went on a furiously drunken and exhausting trip to new york city to see brother and friends for Thanksgiving. My mother celebrated her birthday. We all celebrated the welcoming bosom of Mama Alcohol. We rejoiced and were glad in it. We gave thanks. I had a nice run through Central Park one day, but the rest of the time I was hoofing it around the city with the family, seeing friends and checking out some of brother's favorite stops. Very busy trip, as usual. Lowest mileage week since last spring maybe? 37 total.

This past week has been horrendous. I do not rebound from a serious bender as quickly and smoothly as i used to. the methadone taper continues with only one extremely unpleasant hiccup the whole time. which is fine, i think. my heart rate is persistently elevated right now as i'm pretty much constantly in a low-grade state of withdrawal. it makes running mentally and physically unpleasant. i can't wait for this to be over. i felt especially brain-dead and shitty all week and got little done. even though it was a chore, i still ran a bit. i am pleased to have stuck with it and gotten in a couple decent workouts. total: 50 miles. a few sessions on the elliptical and/or stair master and one surprisingly tough aerobics class.

gabbo has had a bum knee for, like, totally forever. i was really happy to run with her today (sunday) even if it was only for a couple miles. i miss running with her and i know she's pretty pleased to finally have the end in sight regarding the slow rehab of her knee.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Grey areas.

weekly total taken directly from notebook:
MON !!/15/10- 6 depressed + slow. then p/u Ava + ran 4 more, much happier. bad day overall. cannonball cooldown.

TUES-->10 miles. freezing cold + soaking wet. strong NE'er. Ava wouldn't run. I felt mentally at peace, the run was good + positive. Used flashlight for 80% of it.


THURS-->6miles woods. 4miles w/ xc kids. 3 miles @ YMCA: 400m @ 6:00, 400 rec. then 3 sets of 12 reps on leg press machine X 3. total miles for the day: 13.

FRIOFF (note: cooked all day for pumpkin party, ran errands for school)

SAT--> 13 miles from Gabbo 2 Wildwood and back.

SUN--> 13 miles (5 w/ Ava!)

59 miles for the week. (we'll go with 60, because Garmin is a guesser at best, plus on any given day i round down...and...and...i just want it to be 60. fuck it. when it comes to miles and machines...sometimes things just aren't black and white.)

had to get that in there. new yeezy dropped monday, ya'll.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Dirty Dog 5k and the week of 11/8-11/14

This past saturday was Ava's first 5k race. We placed third overall (yeah, that's 4th place back there getting dusted by our finishing kick) and Ava placed 1st overall in the dog like a huge margin. Running sub-7:00 miles wasn't easy for the field of hobby joggers at the race, but for Ava it was no fuckin' problemo, man. For me, I was pleased to feel like I was running hard, but really I didn't ever feel like I was pushing myself into anything near "race" effort. Which is nice and ultimately just makes me very curious as to how fast I could run a 5k right now. I think low 18's is possible. Which would be a huge chunk off of my old PR. Gabbo and Lorenzo (her chihuahua) were on hand as photog's and cheerleaders, my parents came out to see Ava...ahahaha! Anyway, the course was pretty fun, slippery trails and bridges (that crushed gravel was just a small part of the overall loop) and the whole positivity of the morning more than cleared away that crazy ass fog that has basically been hanging over our area for like a week now. it's nuts. fogville. cloudtown, USA. what the hell.

despite the detox stuff (see post below), this week was really a good turn-around week for me. I felt a lot better, a lot more stable and even with a few rough nights (i'm looking at you thursday night where I drank a case of beer, took some benedryl and still couldn't fall asleep) the week on the whole was very good. I had a perfect saturday with Gabbo and will remember it forever. it was THAT good! hopefully the pumpkin/goat cheese ravioli we made and froze for the pumpkin party will turn out as well as the day did. happy trails.

62 miles this week. long run on sunday was rough. need to start getting consistent with those.

to begin again...

this is just a rehab post. i met with doctor brown (who is black) on friday. several weeks ago, after much badgering of the doctor staff at the clinic, I had put myself on a super aggressive methadone tapering schedule (2mg's down every week). which means, for those whom fractions are mysterious, i am cutting off a larger and larger percentage "chunk" of my dose each week. i was warned by both Dr. Len and Dr. Brown that this was a bad idea. and hey, guess what? they were right. for the last two weeks i've gone back to sleeping very little and having horrendous bouts of anxiety, along with muscle twitching and body pain. ...i thought i'd just tough it out but man...i can suffer through a week, i can suffer through two weeks, but...getting on to a month of feeling horrible was starting to really grind on me. so anyway, i'm sitting there in the office, across from Dr. Brown, an old black man whose skin looks so dry and papery, it's practically mummified and whose eyes are two different colors (one is watery grey/blue and the other is, i swear to god, orangish/green.) He's a great guy. Very sage-like and wise. Basically he told me "You're not going to pull this off. Stop being stupid. There isn't any need to suffer like this, be patient, be smart." so, i've now UPPED my dose from 9mg back to 10mg and will hold at this level until my body adjusts and then go down ONE mg and see how that is tolerated.

while all of this may just be boring medical blahblahblah, for me this back and forth struggle between a fast, painful taper and a longer, methodical taper has been very very difficult. i equate it to whole host of personality traits, both strengths and weaknesses being tested. Am i tough? And which is tougher? to suffer out the quick detox? or make the hard, smart decision to taper responsibly? Or am i being weak to go back to the slow taper? is it me giving in? giving up? I think about this all the time because after having made a few monumentally stupid decisions in the past year, I'd really like to start making some smart ones. so...anyway, i guess i feel good about what happened during that doctor visit on friday. not happy, but at least resolved and ready to move forward. plus, it's not like a single milligram increase suddenly has me floating on cloud 9, humming show tunes...i still can't sleep through the night. i still have anxiety and a frustratingly high resting heart rate (for someone who's in as good as shape as i am, i should be LOWERING my resting HR...not waking up with it beating wildly in my chest. on that note, i can't wait to see how my body finally settles down after all of this methadone bullshit. i have a feeling that come january or so, when the detox is finally complete, i may be in for a pleasant surprise and that all of this hard training will rapidly reveal itself in my running. anyway, this is a long post about stuff that no one wants to read...but i needed to flesh it out in text so as to get a better sense of where i'm at on this stuff.

i still harbor this sense that, despite the extremely high accolades DJ Shadow's albums have accrued over the last decade of internet circle-jerking, on a serious note i think that future generations will look back at "preemptive strike" and "endtroducing" as two of the more remarkable moments in modern music history. no more music talk for me.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

and lo...were the fog to clear...would we still burn?

this week had such a bad start. part of that seeped over into the previous post (which was written in the thick of a very bad "down" swing despite ostensibly being a recap of the previous week). anyway, this week improved. i got back on a good schedule with life, work, running, methadone, etc. and by thursday things felt like they were improving. my students and i put on a great altar for Dia de Los Muertos on saturday. Gabbo and I went all gussied up and looking gorgeous, but we're such bums lately that we came home early, watched a movie and went to sleep before 10pm i think. i'm really so ok with this sort of lifestyle. the good lord knows i've had my share of late nights, loose women and too much booze and drugs. being healthy and sleeping adequately is actually my new big thrill. i'm an adult now i guess. sort of.

64 miles this week. i want to hit 75 for some reason. just to hit that number. this week though, i did a bunch of cross training at the gym. core body classes at the YMCA, elliptical stuff and weights. honestly, it was a really solid week of training. i got the lead out, as they say.

Ava's big race is this saturday! i can barely contain my excitement. the Dirty Dog 5K is basically ours for the taking assuming two things 1) Ava doesn't have a freak out issue with one of the other dogs i.e. fighting and hackles up aggression and 2) she feels like running fast. That isn't something i can totally control. i can cajole and beg her to run faster, but some days she just doesn't really feel like it. other days, i literally struggle to match her pace on certain sections of the run. no doubt our race will have a very fluctuating pace, but my hope is that by giving in to her pace variations (anywhere from 8:30 to 5:3o /mile) we can average out a pretty bangin' 5k. anything under 24:00 is reasonable and i think something sub-21:00 is not out of the question. depending on the depth of the canine field, i think this could be a serious debut for her. hahaha, i love taking this silly-ass race seriously because i love the fuck out of that little dog! woo!

haile will race again.

Monday, November 1, 2010

week leading up to halloween, 10/25-10/31

40.5 miles for the week. i'm beginning to see a pattern here (higher mileage week followed by a lower mileage week). although, one of the low mileage days also included some additional cardio/weights/aerobics class (really?) and ended up being like a 3:00 workout. so the week was harder overall than my last low-mileage week. also, i had a day of really good speed work for the first time in ages, followed by 6 miles through the trails for a fairly rough 13 mile day. also got to do some hill repeats over at the bay for the first time in forever (because there are literally zero hills around me). so not a high mileage week, certainly, but some quality work throughout.

halloween was fun, went to put-in-bay for the festivities. a seed was planted while i was over there (no no, not that kind) and saw the bay almost all empty of tourists for a little while. i'd really like to go there this winter when the lake is frozen and do some running/snowshoeing/XC-skiing around the area, maybe across the ice to the different islands. i'm pretty sure i could find someone to let me stay at their house for little to nothing.'s on my mind now.

i also skipped two doses to go on the trip (as they wouldn't give me take-homes on such short notice). the last time i did this was for Run Woodstock and then by that sunday night i felt pretty horrible. this time, i felt even more out of whack. i think due to the doses tapering so rapidly and now being at such a low amount, it really is out of my system by morning (unlike before where i could coast through the day and almost into the next night on a single dose). two days off the stuff was not fun. what a horrible chemical methadone is. i now understand what all the forums and websites said about it...essentially that it's a necessary evil. i think the physical addiction is actually worse than with oxycontin, but it's something that is controlled and difficult to abuse. i really lost my shit by the end of the weekend mentally, felt horrible anxiety, like you're going over the top of a roller coaster over and over again. twitching throughout my entire body.

lastly...this past week or two has been really unpleasant. i'm losing my stamina in dealing with "everything." i had a solid couple of months where i could keep all parts of my life together and moving forward, but i feel a bit like i'm coming unwound right now. gabbo has been incredible: understanding, patient and loving. i seriously don't get her. i would have left me ages ago. i would if i could, frankly. "failed state," to use the parlance of our times. anyway, i need to do some real work now. stuff i've been putting off for weeks. re-organizing my ceramic kitten collection by eye-color now, just something for the autumn, i guess.

bleh. i hate when i write posts like this.

Monday, October 25, 2010


went to cedar point for halloweekends. the first pic of gabbo was taken in one of the haunted houses...a pretty good summation of her technique for getting through the night. my brother came in from NYC, because he loves Halloween as much as i do and needed a serious fix.

67 miles for the week. not bad.

Friday, October 22, 2010

new trail

i've been running around Munson park in monroe for over two years. it's boring. it's a flat gravel track that circumnavigates a bunch of tennis courts, soccer fields, etc. i only run there because it's a good distance from the gym and i can get a solid run out to the park and back, then end with a workout.

every now again i would review the wobbly little signpost with the "trail" information on it...just to make sure the track really was 1.75 miles and that it hadn't suddenly shrunk, i guess. I'd see these additional little wiggly bits on the map, but ignored them as either leftovers from a bygone era of Munson or some ambitious young park designer's unfinished dream.

finally, today i just ran off the far end of the gravel path and started jogging uncertainly through some shaggy, rutted grass and across a farmer's field. and lo...i see a park bench and a trailhead sign! two different little patches of single track trail right under my nose the entire time! to anyone who lives outside of SE MI, the notion of being excited by just shy of 3.5 miles of flat trail is likely pretty bizarre. for me, however, this basically more than doubled the previous amount of trail available to me in this town. yes. that's right. more than doubled.

anyway, it was a great run as i was obviously extremely psyched about the new discovery. the pictures above indicate what i should try to NOT be (hiding my head in the sand) and what i SHOULD try to be (a chicken with it's head cut off? what?) it's more an indication that i need to run more "freely," avoid logging the same routes over and over again and allow myself to run off into unfamiliar territory more often.

i think i just wanted some gore up on this blog. halloween coming up and all.

Monday, October 18, 2010

the stache is (on it's way) back.

45.5 miles for the week. i felt super dead legs this week...and generally just wiped out in all aspects of my life. the toxic combination? more aggressive methadone taper, more running without ever having fully recovered from woodstock, fast runs with Ava and a lingering sinus infection/chest cold.

it wasn't all bad though. i had a solid 10 mile run with Gabbo keeping me company on the bike (7:30 pace). it didn't feel bad at all. i also sort of "broke through" the incredible leaden quality of my legs earlier in the week when, on friday, i went for a shitty 6 mile run (dragged myself though it), then hit the gym, then came home and cooked for a bit and inexplicably my legs suddenly started feeling really good. i grabbed Ava's leash and took her to a new trail (to her) and we had a really zippy 7 miler that felt nothing but good. i can't really explain what happened, but i have to assume that running two recovery days on wed and thurs (4 and 5 slow miles, respectively) had everything to do with finally turning things around.

not a great week, but i'm very glad to have powered through it and not rested more than i needed to.

i can't wait to be able to twist that little bastard up with some wax!! it's been too long...

Monday, October 11, 2010

10/4-10/10/10. a solid 10!

62 miles this week. beautiful fall weather. way too much food and beer, but what the hell? going to see dan deacon right now (picking up gabbo first at the airport). this will be concert #3 for old dan and i. good times. wearing dancing shoes, for a change.

Thursday, September 30, 2010

cleaning out the brain attic for a sec.

tues. 6.5 miles with ava

Wed 9/29/10- 4.5 miles @ 8:00/mile with brandon.

legs still feel OK. soreness in the hamstrings, lingering pain in the left foot, but i think it's just beat up...not cracked or anything more serious.

i've been thinking about the winter coming up and running goals, a few scattered thoughts (i'm a little hungover and nyquilled up):

-core training. now that my torso is healed from the car accident, it's time to get the back and stomach in shape!
-revisit barefoot(ish) training. even though i run in pretty minimal shoes (i.e. racing flats and the inov-8 212's), it's been a while since i did any running in the vibrams/feelmax shoes. i think my feet could use the toughening up and i'd just like to start mixing up my routine a bit more. though the risk of injury is slightly increased, i think that if i'm wise that results will be only beneficial.
-learn to use and train with a heart-rate monitor. this is something i've wanted to do for a while but have been sort of loath to actually begin. i don't like having to deal with quite so much data post-run, but i've heard SO many positive things about using a HRM that i can't ignore it any longer.

all of these thoughts for winter running revolve around a similar theme: breaking out of a rut. i don't think i'm really and truly in one, but i think that now that the racing "season" is over (or at least i don't have any big races coming up for a while), i need a new source for inspiration in my running. i need a new way to push myself a bit more. my base is very solid right now and i really want to keep trying to become a better runner. honestly, i would love to see if i have the stuff to run at a much higher and more competitive level. i've thought about my reasons for this and as much as some of it is ego driven (as in, i want to win/be the best), i feel fairly secure in saying that the main drive to try and improve is simply that i feel like i can. my body feels pretty good and all signs are encouraging me to run longer and faster. i'm young(ish) and have been running a fairly short amount of time (5 years or so?) and it's too soon to stop being curious as to how far i can push myself.

thurs- 7 miles. HRM is fun.
fri/sat- off. my foot is still bothering, more now as i've started running on it. in an effort to speed the recovery, i've been drinking local brews by the growlerful and eating an INSANE amount of food from the farmer's market and the local orchard. it's time to ease back on the old appetite and get back to enjoying this beautiful fall running weather. my running shorts are starting to fit as tightly as the casing on the bratwurst i ate for breakfast yesterday.

sun - about 11 miles. pretty fast although the watch died fairly early on. my foot is still bothering me a bit, but i'm icing it and trying to treat it right. chocolates, flowers, love letters on the pillow, etc.

weekly total: 29 miles. still unsure of how i feel after run woodstock, i guess.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

New best running buddy.

I had run with Ava before, but it usually involves a lot of stopping and starting and shitting by the side of the road and chasing little kids...and sometimes the dog even slows down, too! har. har. har.

Anyway, my first run since the 50 went pretty well. Some very sore spots, a little foot pain, but nothing that seems especially out of whack. So, Ava and I ran 6.5 miles at about 7:30/mile...I was seriously impressed with that little dog! She was not even slightly tired out by that effort. I think I may have a new training partner for the fall.

I like how this photo looks like one of those old museum displays: "Anglo hunting dog amongst shoreline vegetation."

Monday, September 27, 2010

Fitty in da bag.

Well, the Run Woodstock 50 miler went well. I finished 7th overall in 9:19 (11:11/mile). The first 16.6 mile loop i ran with this guy Dean, who was dead-on at a 12:00/mile pace. I was really nervous about going out too strong so I ran very conservatively. I was focused on finishing, not on achieving any sort of time goal. After that first loop, I still felt really solid so I thanked Dean for letting me run with him and took off on my own. That second loop was really fast, but because I wasn't wearing any watch I can only guess at my time. I think I was running somewhere around a 9:00/mile pace overall. By the third loop, things started to really hurt and I think I was down to about 10:00/mile. At the very end, my dad and mom ran the final 5 miles or so with me which was really great. When I think of all the countless hours i spend running alone, it's honestly pretty touching to suddenly have someone close to you running by your side. Luckily between Gabbo, mom, dad and friends (lookin' at you Celine and Celeste!)...I've got a pretty sweet stable of able amblers. And yes, that's a tiny painted hippie VW bus that I'm holding...the age group trophy. All in all, it was just a great weekend of running. Run Woodstock may be the best event i've gotten to be a part of and i recommend it highly to anyone...especially the naked races on friday and saturday night...and their champagne aid station.

naked champagne aid station.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Run Woodstock

The Run Woodstock weekend of bands, running and drinking begins this afternoon up in Hell, MI! I'm pretty excited about the whole deal, let alone my last chance for 50-mile redemption. Gabbo is still having some issues with her knee, but is signed up for the Friday 5k (naked, i hope) and the 5 miler on we'll see how she fairs. Really, though, it's been such a great summer of running that all we're really planning for this weekend is having as much fun as possible and maybe stop and pour out a little booze in honor of the great spirit that unites us all (running).

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Dances with Dirt DNF

well, my first 50 miler was a bust. i signed up for the Run Woodstock 50 almost immediately after returning home in shame, so i'll give it another try in a couple weeks.

rules i had set out for myself prior to Dances with Dirt:
-don't race anybody. just finish.
-two-week taper
-aim for 12-min overall pace

mistakes during DWD that led to DNF:
-raced people...all of whom turned out to be 50k runners who finished at 31 miles, by which point i was finished too (why didn't i check their bibs?)
-three-day taper
-ran 9:30/mile until i could ONLY shuffle at 12:00/mile

Lastly (and this one really kills me), because i had to camp the night before the race i couldn't go to the methadone clinic in the morning...and after running for 6+ hours i think withdrawals really made a punishing race just totally unbearable. i sort of knew something was weird in the morning when my feet, of all things, were really aching. i hadn't run for three days, my feet hadn't hurt in weeks and the day before my feet/legs/everything had felt great...but the morning of the race they feel like they're bruised all along the bottom? i ignored it at the time (what would i have done about it anyway?) ...but as the race went along and i also got weird cramps in my inner thighs (a place i've NEVER had a cramp before while running) ...i guess i'm concluding that my dependence on methadone affected my ability to run...and that makes me so fucking mad at myself i can't stand it. after all that training (and work at quitting drugs), i am saddened that this on-going addiction recovery has cast such a long shadow over my running now, as well as other parts of my life.

Big plus to the weekend, however, included Gabbo's first turn as my "crew." She anticipated every little whine and bitch that i had and did her homework on each leg of the course before i got to it, so i was dry when i needed to be dry and fed when i needed to be fed and caffeinated when i was droopy, etc. Then, when i first tried to quit, she joined in and ran with me...for the ONE section of the course that involved wading through crotch-deep muck that smelled like baby shit. So...basically, i'm indebted to her for at least the rest of the fall. Hopefully i will get to return the favor sometime next year and crew for her.

Run Woodstock is in a little more than a week. It's my last chance for 50 miles before winter settles over us.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Getting up to speed...

OK. The week beginning 8/30 is mostly dream-fog. I ran...monday, tues, and wednesday i think? they were good runs...two of them were 12 miles or so...that run i've been doing where i speed up at the end. i took thursday and then friday off in anticipation of hitting some new trails with my good friend dan dehaven who i went to visit out in cleveland. however, we did NOT go running at ALL. instead, we did the primary thing we are most inclined to do when we hang out and that is drink very very heavily and act very very badly in public. luckily, the one other person who perhaps inspires this same level of drunken stupidity (my cousin grant) now lives near cleveland and HE came to visit TOO! so...that was just one hell of a bender weekend. it's been a while since i really tied one on. i'd forgotten how much fun it is to invest significant time into a good drunk. you know, really letting that stuff soak into the deepest folds of your brain. hours and hours of marinating in alcohol.

skipping ahead.

Sunday- dizzy, hungover 5.5 miles. went to San Marinese picnic with Gabbo and her family. ate an insane amount of delicious food. handmade italian sausage, cannolis, eggplant, homemade foccacia bread...all of it was out of this world.

Monday- nothing. i'm all over the place. more rehab monkey business that i'm tired of thinking about. our country is so ill equipped to help people like me and i have developed infinitely more sympathy and acceptance for people with addiction issues. my brother wrote me an email that was the most touching, sincere and gorgeously constructed piece of art/correspondence that i have ever had the pleasure of receiving. it was so loving and exacting in its expression that i wept (yeah, not cried. wept.) and called him the next day to thank him as much as my feeble mouth and feebler brain would allow me. i am the luckiest person alive. yes, luckier than you. sorry, dude.

Tues- horrible meeting with a psychiatrist. there is nothing so nauseating and deeply saddening for me than to have an important conversation with someone who is so unwilling to speak or act with any candor or integrity. this appointment went so badly that it changed some of my views on life and how best to live it. that's all i can say at this point. my resolve and hope was shaken on this day. back on the methadone, i go.

good run, though. 12.5 miles at home then went to wildwood with gabbo to run a few more. it was so hot today and for the longer run i thought, "hey it might be kinda neat and cathartic to punish yourself by not running with any water." by the end i was in full-blown suffer-mode and when i met up with gabbo and she went out the gate a little hot, i couldn't keep up! i had to rest and she did a trail loop and then met back up with me! yeesh! anyway, we went out for sushi and it was really nice and i'm in love with her and that psychiatrist didn't even exist by the time we paid the tab and were on our way home.

WED 9/1/10 - more teacher in-service stuff getting ready for the school year to start next week. i have done little to prepare and am not nervous? i think that must mean i'm stupid. if you've read any of this blog, you should have already come to that conclusion by now so my unpreparedness in the face of a great necessity for preparedness should come as no surprise.

7.5 mile run. very hot again.

THURS - 11 miles

FRI- 7 miles

SATURDAY 9/4/10- ran the Boyscouts Eagle Half-Marathon in Bowling Green, OH. Got rained on in the first couple of miles and was super cold. Ran it with Gabbo, who did gritted her teeth and ran through some serious pains in her foot and knee to finish in 2 hours...11 minutes faster than the Glass City half in April. Nice job! 13.1 miles.
SUNDAY- sabbath. day of rest. weekly total 60 miles, on the nose.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

take a drag or two...

monday 8/16/10- 5.5 miles with gabbo at wildwood. hips a little sore, quads a little sore...legs overall pretty tired feeling from saturday, but deep down in their little leg-hearts, they were FINE AND DANDY. good deal.

tuesday 8/17- i'd say about 12 miles? i need to plug in my wizard-watch and have it portend some fucking cosmic star-hopping data. ran the first 5 or 6 with gabbo, but then she hopped on a bike for the South Otter Creek Out And Then Back Again TM. i ran about 7:30 miles out and then ran the return 3.5 miles at about 6:30/mile. so that was good. to be able to pick it up a bit like that at the end of a slightly longer run.

also, i gave up on cold turkey. i couldn't do it. at about 5am this morning, i signed myself up at a methadone rehab clinic. $75.00... after some lengthy interviews and some pee-pee in a jar, they gave me a 30mg dose of methadone. needless to say (i think), i felt pretty calm about the whole deal. NO, i'm not happy to now have opiates back in my system but YES, i'm thrilled to now be sleeping better, to have my heart back to beating at a normal rate and to be able to go about my goddamn business without thinking about how i'm going to get some drugs. on a serious note: this decision was very very hard for me to make, but as I sit here writing this on thursday after only three days of treatment, I know I made the right call. This withdrawal is too much for me to handle without real help. I thought I could just hunker down, be a dreary asshole for awhile and then POOF! come out on the other end all clean and smiles. however, i now realize that it's not that easy. at least, not for me. for one, even after almost two weeks of sobriety (more or less) I still had not gotten to a point where everyday wasn't a near-constant panic attack and the nights didn't last exactly 7 years. i was getting nervous that i wouldn't be able to handle my job, for example, let alone get any of my other shit together. this at least allows me the breathing room to stay on course for a more mentally and physically healthy life, sort out some of the issues that led to the drug abuse in the first place and then, with a doctor's help and the encouragement of my unbelievably supportive family and friends, I can ditch the rest of this stuff for good. I hope. Gabbo is so good to me, I can't fathom it. In no way do I deserve the amount of compassion and patience she has shown me. She basically gets duty-free head for the next year.

Wed- off.

Thurs- did a similar run to Tues. about 13 miles with the last 3.5 at about 6:30/mile.

Friday- off. Gabbo and I are going camping tomorrow morning in the Pinckney Recreation Area, north of Ann Arbor. Anticipating some great trail running, so it's time to rest up.

Saturday- 6.5 miles. We got to Crooked Lake campground in the late afternoon. The drive took a little longer than we thought and we drove to a couple different areas first, trying to figure out where the best place to camp would be for easy access to the trails. When I called Crooked Lake in the morning, they were booked up solid. However, we got lucky and one spot opened up by the time we got there. It was raining steadily while we set up the tent and canopy. Damp but determined, we hit the trails and made the most of the cool conditions. We did a loop around the Crooked Lake trail and then tacked on a quick loop around Silver Lake. In the interest of saving ourselves for a long run in the morning and having not eaten much all day, we kept the run fairly short and went into town to find something to eat. Never ones to plan, we had arrived at the campsite with a weird mix of assorted camping/running gear tossed un-packed into the back of the van and no food...just beer. After wandering around Hell/Pinckney and discovering that literally every one of their restaurants had long since closed down, we ended up driving another 10 minutes away to Zuckey Lake Tavern (or something like that). Luckily, they had veggie burgers and Anchor Steam on draft, worth the drive. Back at the campsite, Gabbo pulled out an inspired purchase: Le Petite Ecolier cookies (those flat, rectangular cookie-frames with the chocolate portrait of a school boy inset?). We used those to make hybrid s'mores. I will remember this speedy s'more making technique for future bonfires.

Sunday- awesome night of sleep. it was cool with light, almost mist-like rain. i woke up insanely early as usual, went for a much needed shit (the methadone has almost finally allowed my bowels to function normally again. sad thrill.) and promptly fell back asleep in our little cocoon. Finally, we got up around 8:30-ish, packed up all the stuff (read: threw it half-assedly back into the van) and headed back to the trailhead to start the famous Potowatami Trail. Again, our serious aversion towards planning had left us without "serious" distance running fuels (i.e. gels/sports drink) but I did pick up some strawberry licorice candy and fruit snacks...good enough!

The Potowatami is largely considered the best trail for mountain biking/running in SE Michigan and one the nicer trails in the state. On one hand, this is isn't saying much. While the rest of Michigan is very "outdoorsy" and has put in place some outstanding infrastructure (trails, camp sites, etc.) to facilitate some fucking rad environment loving, the southeastern corner has taken a slightly different approach towards Mother Nature (see: History of American Industrialization and for fun, this place). HOWEVER, i still think this trail stands as a serious motherfucker. You basically bob up and down over extremely steep uphills and downhills that are composed of either very knotty little twisty roots or fist-sized stones that feel like they are punching your feet to death when you run over them. in short, it was a super fun run and i can't wait to go back! yay!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Correr, puta.

Funday - 8/9/10 - 13 miles, 1:43:00. wildwood. ran sockless, received blister. legs recovered from saturday. bodes well for future long runs. coffee has yet to sink in. limited to gorilla speak only.

Tues/Wed -8/10&11/10- i decided after the blister-inducing run on monday, coupled with the lingering hip issue, that i would take two (yes two!) days off from running. wouldn't it be slick if there were a way to make a laptop's keyboard deliver an electric shock? the practical/practical joke applications would be priceless.

"practical joke?" as opposed to those unwieldy, totally inconvenient jokes?

Thurs: 5.5 miles. that fucking blister, man. son. of. a. bitch. i bet i take friday off, too.

Friday: yep.

Saturday. returned to oak openings for long run. went 25 miles at sub-9:00 pace, but then stopped for a water fill-up and just couldn't get back on the trail to finish out the final 6.5 miles. i was really sore and tired, true, but there wasn't anything particularly wrong. no acute pain anywhere, no stomach issues, no blister i'm a little perplexed i guess. if i were to make excuses again (and i am), the weather was really gross: 90F, 100% humidity, "ozone warning" and the looming threat of thunderstorms all morning/ the air was hot, heavy and it felt like breathing through a wet noodle. BUT! i still didn't feel all that bad. so why did i stop? i mean, i started again after a little break and ran back to my car for a total of 28 miles, but still...but still...why did a solid 30 mile run elude me again?
for next week:
-slow down more? (yeesh.)
-more water/more calories?

lastly, i felt like my core was really lacking after about 20 miles. i used to really focus on getting in abs/lower back workouts consistently but i've fallen off this summer a little on those. add to this the very persistent pain around my stomach/side/back from the car accident and i've just stopped any core workouts for the last three weeks. so...i need to get back to that ASAP, me thinks.

Sunday- spinny at the gym, tried to do some ab and back work but still extremely painful. later i drank some oberon and went for a pretty fast 15 mile bike ride. hadn't ridden the peug in a long time, so that was oddly relaxing and righteous.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Push it along...

Over this summer, I've been sinking deep into nostalgia for my childhood and by that I mean i've been listening to pretty much only wu-tang, ODB's first solo album and TONS of tribe called quest and de la soul.

on tribe's first record (People's instinctive travels and the paths of rhythm), the very FIRST track is called "push it along." not a bad jammer, to be sure. however, the interlude section in between "push it along" and "luck of lucien" has phife blabbing strange shit over that soul-clap beat and he talks about titling the first song and how he came across a boulder blocking his path and he couldn't pull he had to push it. ...and then i was like "oh shit, i get it now" i mean...for the first time since i was like...what? 12? 13? when i bought that CD?

anyway, it's the perfect analogy for this drug withdrawal process. this is not something that i can "pull" as in put it behind me and continue on with life. no no, this is something i have to PUSH. as in, it is always right in front of me. i can barely see around it and, yet, in order to get through the day i have to push this fucking boulder along. literally every moment i'm thinking about oxycontin. I'll be teaching a class, or talking to you (my friend) or doing the laundry or driving and singing a song on the radio, or having a beer, or eating a delicious meal, or hugging someone, or kissing someone, or making a t0-do list, shopping for food, and yes...even running...and i will STILL have OC on my mind. i mean, literally, it's all i think about. so...what can i do really? stop? just stand there, in the middle of life, and stare at this big fucking ball of drugs blocking my way? or do i just start moving forward again and push it along?

new week, new life...? no...nope.

monday 8/2/10 - went to wildwood, ran 9 miles. am still very much in love with the x-talon 212's. really ran fast, too. surprisingly busy on the trails, enjoyed passing people and using other runners as markers. some days i run completely zen, no desire to pass or worry about my pace in relation to someone else's...other days i am completely driven by the need to not only pass other runners as though they are competition...but to pass them ruthlessly. which is exhausting. because i'm not that fast.

tues. 8/3/10- haven't run as of this post. had more conversation with my parents regarding drug problem. things have really hit the fan. i have given over my online banking information, credit cards, etc. so that they can monitor my money. while i know that i am done with oxycontin, i understand that i can't exactly "come clean" to my family and then not allow them to demand some assurances that i am sticking to my word...otherwise, what did i accomplish other than causing them undue stress and worry? so...i am submitting to their requests and answering all questions honestly and openly. it has been the hardest thing i have ever done. this is just an awful chapter in my life. perhaps the worst to date.

on a happier note: it's gabbo's 21st b-day today. she's in pittsburgh fitting in sublimely with native pittsburgers (that is, getting drunk). hopefully she'll have enough ethanol left in her boozemobile to celebrate again on friday when she gets home.

wed. 8/4/10- AM- 6 ish miles around tuna beach. really did not feel this one. withdrawals are unpleasant. flu-ish aches, diarrhea, exhaustion, lack-of-will-to-live...and it only costs $4000 dollars folks! can't you smell a deal when it's slithering beneath your nose? maybe i'll drum up enough moxie to run again this evening. i'll keep you, dear reader, duly posted. by "duly posted," i mean screaming into the digital void. ...yodeling, perhaps, is more accurate. i don't scream, ever. i yodel. i need to go to work.

PM- went to the gym to do some incline stuff on the treadmill. i could only muster about 25 minutes. i just felt too wiped out in every sense. ...i'm glad i put in the workout though. i'm always glad i put in a workout...even if its the shortest workout i've done in years. had an entire pizza and leftover enchiladas for dinner...then lots of beer, appetizers at the bar, then i had four pieces of toast with butter as a pre-bed snack.

thurs. 8/5/10 -AM s. otter creek out n' back: 7 miles. again, felt pretty questionable on the way out, but still managed a negative split on the way back. last night i went to bed at 11:30pm, today awoke at 4:30am...went running and was back in time to watch a 9-on-the-beauty scale sun rise while taking a bath in the lake. very "high on life" sort of morning, i think. ate toast with raw honey before the run, giant cheddar and ketchup omelette afterwards...followed by 4 pieces of zucchini bread with butter and coconut oil extract. holy shit. this combination of running-induced hunger and stress-eating is going to be the awesome-feelingness of me.

PM- tuna beach. 6 ish? very very hot. felt rough still. i have to say though, i think today was a turning point in the withdrawal process. i actually had a little bit of energy at work, i sang to katie perry (well) while driving and considered a chopped/screwed acoustic cover of La Roux. Then i fantasized (deeply) about fronting (in spandex) a duo bar band that only plays covers of female pop-stars...R n' B and dance stuff only i.e. Donna Summers, Madonna, C&C Music Factory up to Gaga, Katy Perry, et al. The funny thing is: that band would fucking SLAY in michigan/ohio...not get dragged behind a Ford F-250. What does that say about the state of affairs in the worlds of homosexuality and popular music? Strides? Pride? Or is it just that right now, everyone sort of has a hard-on/wide-on for shitty synth-pop and, by default, that means we all dip our toesy's into the gay pond? TOTAL TODAY: 13 miles. luck be a lady-boy, tonight.

See, i'm almost all better!

FRIDAY- i ain't run shit. say it wit me now: LA-saaaaaaaannGGAAA! Gabby's back!

Sat. - 23 miles. went to oak openings in swanton, oh for the first time. it's the largest of toledo's metropark areas and i now realize also has the best trails. stupid me for waiting to visit, but's like 45 minutes from here! anyway, today's run was good-bad...but not evil. i had set out to run 30 miles and get a better feel for my pace at the Dances with Dirt 50 miler. however, i was so psyched about the trails, the weather, gabbo, ross, my pain-free hip, etc. that i ran the first hour or so in frenzy, not finding the trail i had planned to stick with and just running like a chicken with its head cut off at about 7:00min/mile...when i had told myself i was going to aim for an 8:30-9:00 pace. so i had busted loose too fast, but i did finally find the big loop trail i was looking for...and hit it right at its most technical and crazy, so THEN i really stepped it up and ran like a sumbitch. at times there was no trail, it dipped almost straight down and then straight up at times with roots and rocks as ladder rungs, then it would tilt crazily along the edge of the river bank so you'd have to run scrambling at an angle to not slide down into the scum-water. by the time i finally made a loop and regrouped at the van to get more water and sugargoop, i sort of knew i might be in trouble. i started the second loop with my friend ross following me on his mountain bike. ross did a great job with all of the obstacles and felled logs blocking his path, while i (on the other hand) had begun to slowly slacken my pace until i was just about out of gas. at mile 18, i sat on the edge of a bridge for a moment, checked out a map with ross and then tried to hit it again, at mile 21 or so, i started walking...i had about 8 miles left and i knew it would be that really nutty hard section again to boot...and gabbo had twisted her ankle...and the afternoon was slipping into evening...and...and...well i threw in the towel and ran the roads back to the van and called it at 23.25 miles. my overall pace was 9:00, but i know that if i take out the walking/debating portion i was closer to my original goal of 8:30/ a few lessons learned:
-slow down, asshole.
-stop running everyday, focus on weekend long runs. you can't hang.
-"don't drink beer the night before" from ross. although i sincerely doubt i'll follow that one because of...
-get some sleep before the run. without alcohol how can i do this? i can't remember.

even though i didn't meet my goal, i still learned quite a bit about where my fitness level is at right now and what i need to do to change my training routine before the race in sept. i got to try out my diet plan for the race, which i'm happy with: GU gels, S! caps and water. no stomach problems. no major pain issues anywhere. i'm anticipating being very much recovered all in all i'm counting the day as a success. however, i am still a pussy.

i'm definitely going back to oak openings next weekend and i will be counting it as a rematch.

sunday - off. barefoot walk through wildwood with gabbo. went to bed insanely early. felt very, um, sedate.

WEEK: 54 miles

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

because you're soooo dirty...

god, i can't believe i didn't think to write this song first! the tub is my SPOT!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Crashing cars, oh yeah and some running 7/26/10

MONDAY 7/26 - a.m. 3 weird miles early in the morning. lots of sprinting. stopping. watching sunrise. sprinting. feeling out of it. sprinting. weird. not productive feeling at all.
p.m. - tour de tuna, fast and fancy free. 10 mile total today.

7/27/10 - ZERO miles today. went for a massage to try and get my hip fixed up. on the way home, i nodded off at the wheel and crashed into one of those digital construction signs at about 75mph. then i hit a highway sign, then a tree, then a crashed into a ditch. i walked away pretty much unscathed and oddly calm and collected. i did, however, ride in the ambulance to the hospital where i was x-rayed and cat scanned (which involved quite a bit of warm fluid pumped into my asshole...hey, it's never too early to party!). they also gave me a medium sized dose of morphine into my IV, which certainly helped with the OC withdrawls i've been having this week. its sad and shocking how little that morphine did for me. at best, i could feel its effect for about 20 minutes maybe? and it was extremely mild.

7/28/10 - extended loops of tour de tuna (9 miles?). i felt really depressed last night and all day today. teaching was really a struggle. i dunno if it's just the post-crash shock, losing the Sword (my buick) or the money i'm sure i'm about to lose on the whole deal...but i really feel rotten. Gabbo tried to be supportive but when i get like this, i really clamp down and don't let anyone near. i went for an evening run and it felt really good. i'm just so glad i didn't hurt my legs other than a little bump and slice on my right knee.

7/29/10 - WildBoar 5k race in Texas, OH with Gabbo and Maresa. Really fun course. lots of mud, cool climbs, grassy flats, twist turns, etc. I scouted the full course with a couple of late 30's-ish guy who were pretty cool. They told me about a race in IN in january called the Chilly Hilly...5 events...with a frozen river crossing...may need to add that to the calendar. Then we raced, I smoked the one dude i had warmed up with and his friend beat me by a 10 seconds or so, which was a bummer. I ran pretty well, though, took time wearing down people in front of me so that when i passed, i knew they couldn't pass me again. Still, i felt like i was lacking a little confidence and wasn't really sure how to push myself really hard. i struggle with feeling too conservative during a 5k, when i should just be like "its 3 fucking miles, dude, just run it so hard you feel like you're going to have a heart attack." ...oh well, maybe next time. could have really used the new Inov-8 X-talon 212's that i ordered...had some insanely steep slippery climbs and one quick river crossing. but the nike's did ok, workhorse shoe that they've become. i ended the race with a two miles of really beautiful barefoot running around some of the flat grass portions of the course. very calming, with the sunset it was beautiful. great times!
oh and maresa (who had, uh, slipped into a higher age bracket won her division as well as Gabby in the 20-24's!....apparently she was the only one? hahhah!) either way they both earned some t-shirts and swag. I myself came in 3rd in my age group...again...and got yet another pair of socks...the bronze medal of running races. i did, however, place 14th overall out of about 120 entrants. so that was cool. TOTAL MILES: 8?

7/30/10- AM- le gran tour de tuna...about 8-9 miles. felt a little woozy and tired. some stomach problems. still, though, it went ok. i'm really really really looking forward to taking the inov-8 shoes to indiana this weekend and running some serious trails and sand dunes in those bad bitches. i want to walk with a cane after this weekend!

headed to indiana today. on my way to meet up with dan dehaven and drive the rest of the way, i rear-ended a kid in my dad's car that i was borrowing. coming off of my recent total smash-a-roo on tuesday...i literally could not believe that i had done this again. my depression has since been fluctuating between "fuck the world," crying and genuinely wanting to die. hey, what fun. i bought a bunch of OC on friday and numbed myself out this weekend in response. very healthy. anyway, got to indiana finally. went to bar.

7/31/10 - stayed up until 4:30am drinking with dan dehaven and brad, got up at 7am and hit the dunes in the x-talon's around 8am. in short, this run was the closest thing to a religious experience i've ever had. it was beautiful. the trails were soft sand, brutally steep and nearly impossible to run was great. you could stare off for miles and see nothing but the weird brontosaurus hump backs of the grass covered dunes with little, itty bitty white stripes along their tops demarcating the barest essential of a trail. so...i'd just run and run. bombing down into the sand bowls and then scrabbling my way back out, find a little trail, run it for a while and breath a bit...then find a hill and either shotgun down it or suffer up it depending on my position on the trail when i came across it. i did the dunes for about 90 minutes and then changed shoes back into road runners and then ran around Ogden Dunes' crazy neighborhood hills. i did loops around the whole town and (being that this is where i grew up as a non-runner) i located some secret murderous hills that no sane road commission engineer would allow to be built except out there in O.D. The run was about 2.5 hours long and it covered something around 20 miles? maybe? i really have no idea, i just wanted to run and feel nothing but the freedom and happiness that comes with being outside and fully intertwined with nature.

8/1/10 - 7 miles. the wedding last night was fine. i was pretty high so i don't remember the ceremony, i left the reception early to go to sleep. woke up and went for a run again. so sore. it was gorgeous. just an hour flirt in the curvaceous bosom of the dunes before i had to drive back to flat-chested michigan. a little sad to leave. gasping for breath depressed at the thought of the life i have to face once i get home. spent a short portion of the car ride confessing my drug addiction to my mother...who i'm sure was just as pleased as punch to hear that her 27 year old, adult son has made the decision to spend every bit of his savings on snorting opiate painkillers, has little to no prospects in life and is in need of at least a $1000 loan to cover the expenses of his multiple car accidents. this has been the worst week i can remember having and i have a feeling that next week may actually just twist the knife around a bit as i really start to deal with the repercussions of all this shit: paying bills, dealing with insurance premiums, agreeing to loans, withdrawals from the OC, fixed income talks, zero lesson plans for work, no money to take the girlfriend out to eat or buy her a birthday present when she turns 21 on tuesday...the thrills just keep on coming... hey, are my running shoes around here somewhere?

WEEK: 62 miles.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Run run run, take a drag or two (RUNNIN' WE(a)EK!)

MONDAY 7/19/10 - AM - Tour De Tuna (7 miles) - about an hour?
PM - 30 minutes of treadmill running at the steepest incline. "15?" whatever inclination is designated by the number 15. with these treadmills, I don't think it's % either. so huh...

7/20/10 - AM - tour de tune - 55 minutes
PM - 3 mile barefoot walk with Ava

7/21/10 - Tour De Tuna - 53:00 - great sunrise! (also this day was highlighted by an excellent Wed. night sailboat race celebrated afterwards by gabby and i catching the ice cream truck and getting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles popsicles.)

7/22/10 - munson park run, 6 miles. i did 10 sets of hill climbs/descents over the weird indian burial mound/capped landfill. it was about 100 degrees. then did some incline treadmill work at the gym, along with core workout and some cable machine monkey business. ate san marco's tongue tacos for dinner, drank PBR at the bronze boar. very successful day.

7/23/10 - Wildwood trails, 8 miles. car's thermometer read 103 before i started the run, very humid to boot. during sections of the run where the trees parted and i was fully exposed to the sun, it felt like opening an oven door...but instead of cookies waiting for me, it was just bugs and more heat. not nearly as nice to dip into milk. dairy queen made out with me afterwards.

7/24/10 - insomnia veritas. got up at 4am, cruised the internet, coffee. went for the tuna beach 7, swung back by the house for some gelly and then did the south otter creek Out And Back 7, too for a total of 14 miles by about 7 am. went to ann arbor art fair with gabby, jon and jenn and drank and ate like i was never going to eat or drink again. strange things have been going on cosmically (a.k.a. in my head) for the last week or two...hopefully things settle down a little bit.

7/25/10 - sunday i took "off." went to the gym and did the oval-maker, core routine. went to bed around 7:30pm? still bright and sunny outside. writing this at 4:30am on monday. today marks my second serious attempt at quitting oxycontin. last week went ok, but then i broke down and used heavily this past weekend. son. of. a. bitch.

WEEK: 50 miles


I decided that rather than continue to allow this blog to lay fallow, I will fertilize it with my running. Perhaps that will encourage me to also begin adding music again and also include my writings about Tuna Beach. Clap...clap...clap... ...