Mo' road running, mo' horse skulls.

Truest! How I've missed you! Let me count the ways...

1, 2, 3, 4...5k

The local paper sponsored a 5k last Sunday morning. It was a few blocks from my nest of rags and tree branches, so I figured "What the hell!...is a failed-state man-child like myself doing mingling with the general public?"

I've really been enjoying these shorter races this year. Plus, they've all been free! VIVA CHILE!

The start is always a cluster fuck at these things. I did my best to be at the front of the line, but was elbowed back by a chubby guy wearing baggy shants, gnashing his teeth, boiling over with the furious running he was about to unleash on the rest of us poor fools.

He went out sprinting and died within 200 meters. Literally. His head exploded...but don't worry, I was wearing sunglasses.

The rest of us managed to form a loosely strung together pack, all chasing this local cop who wins EVERY FUCKIN' RACE in this part of Chile. Dude's a beast.

So, yeah, not much else to say. We all chased after the cop. (You'd think, given most people's attitude towards cops, that we'd have gone a little faster, eh?) There were a handful of university track/cross guys, some strong club-affiliated dues and then a couple local weirdos...which would obviously include me, the lone gringo. In my 2013 color scheme: black on black. Uh. #54.

18:01 for a (slightly long, I swear) 5k. I finished 5th or 6th, I'm not sure which and they never post results here. Which is awesome in my opinion. If you didn't podium, what the fuck it matter what place you got, chump? Train harder and you'll know EXACTLY where you finished. The harder you train, the easier it'll be to figure out!

Hahaha, apparently all this thug rap has got me typing in my big-boy voice!

Afterwards, I went for a long, hilly jog through the, uh, hills. The big news of the day? I FOUND MY SECOND HORSE SKULL!!!

My landlord told me he thought it was a cow skull, but cows only chew cud and they got themselves some FUCKED UP TEETH 'CAUSE OF IT! I told him thusly but he asked if we could agree to disagree. I told him he owed me for new roofing tin and the pricey length of custom made chimney tubing I bought. Then I asked his girlfriend if her special spot was too NB MT10 for the part of me that's surely size-12 Hoka.

I used to have a strict rule about blogging when I'm very drunk. I also used to have a life. Harumph. Easy come, easy go.

Unless, of course, we're talking about running.

Just be yourself, True Believer. Eventually, the stars will all line up for you. They'll all line up at some celestial race in the sky, nervously awaiting your starting gun. Just be so happy for them, True Believer. Just be so grateful and happy. Remember, True Believer...

...It's on 3.

3, 2 , 1

6K X-Country ASATAL 2013 - 3rd place

I know I promised no more race reports, but...I was only foolin'. This weekend I racked up my umpteenth 3rd place finish in Chile.

Ran in the local cross country finals yesterday (we started and finished on the track, in case you were wondering about the photos...but "you" weren't. because no one is reading this. just me. and the only thing i was wondering about is why my pillow smelled like ketchup when i woke up this morning.)

The 6k course was 4 loops, basically up-a-hill then down-a-hill X 4. The guy who won went off the front from the beginning, with myself and another guy neck-and-neck about 30 seconds behind. We would close the gap on the downhill and then lose ground on the uphill on each loop. Finally, I "made a move" on the guy next to me during the uphill on the 3rd loop. This means that I asked him if he ran here often and twirled my finger around one of my golden sausage curls. Plus bedroom eyes.

I was hacking and spuming along confidently in 2nd place until the end on the last loop. I looked behind me and saw 3rd place was RIGHT behind me. I tried to put a couple seconds on him in the downhill, but he fucking passed me right as we entered the track for the big finish in front of throngs of screaming fans. I tried to do something about it, but for the first time in months I was 100% max'd out, suffering, hopelessly dying on my feet. I crossed the finish line in total silence, before a stadium with about 8 people in it. The authentic track and field experience!

I finished in 21:21, which according to the pace calculator, is a 17:44 5k. Which is a PR by almost 30 seconds...so, I've got that going for me. Also, right before the race, I put in an hour jogging the hills and set a PR for my local climb. I got to the top and my legs went out from underneath me. So...yeah, all in all: a day marked by horrendous, anaerobic torture.

Here's first place. You can see 2nd and I comin' round the bend...

There's second!

There's turd!

This guy has been running in Chile since the 70's. What's rad about that is when he was out jogging back in the day, people literally thought he was insane. I mean, literally. They thought he had a mental problem and would stop by to see his family and ask if everything was OK with him. Juan is boss!

New Chilean trail running madness!

A couple friends and I have started a tumblr account chocked-full of delicious Chilean trailing running goodies: Pics, videos and twittery shit (in Spanish, I think). The guilty parties are as follows:

Daniel Rowland(2nd from left in the pic): Winner Atacama Crossing 2013

Max Keith (shirtless): the chilean anton krupicka. 2nd place Vertical K, chile. Has a great training blog (in Spanish, but the pics are always priceless.)

Matias Bull(far right): the chilean Bryon Powell AND Ian Corliss...the brains behind TrailChile and a great runner in his own right. He's headed to the Patagonia Run 100K in two weeks.

Me(far left): Sack of baby poop. I occasionally get my heart-rate up while I'm flagging down a taxi cab to the grocery store, smoking cigarettes and scraping dried sweat from underneath my man-tits.

Anyway, check it out all the goodtimes at: bossjogging.tumblr.com

Daniel and I shot a short video last weekend. No no. It's all running.

Proposed Trans-Michigan Trail is Gigantic!

Being a Michigander (by choice and pedigree, if not by birthplace)...I was thrilled to my gills and I shrieked to my teats when I saw that the governing peoples of Michigan have proposed the linkage of many existing trail systems into one big beast of a trail that very pleasingly arcs across the full fair face of our graceful place's space!

Perhaps more exciting is that there's already a stalwart, steady-eyed Michigander who's announced his intention to hike the length of this new trail, BEFORE it's even been officially marked. Many miles of it will entail oodles of bushwackery (and likely tomfoolery). Best of luck to you, my lad!

http://www.freep.com/article/20121129/NEWS06/121129002/Graphic-Proposed-trail-from-Belle-Isle-to-Wisconsin