on tribe's first record (People's instinctive travels and the paths of rhythm), the very FIRST track is called "push it along." not a bad jammer, to be sure. however, the interlude section in between "push it along" and "luck of lucien" has phife blabbing strange shit over that soul-clap beat and he talks about titling the first song and how he came across a boulder blocking his path and he couldn't pull it...so he had to push it. ...and then i was like "oh shit, i get it now" i mean...for the first time since i was like...what? 12? 13? when i bought that CD?
anyway, it's the perfect analogy for this drug withdrawal process. this is not something that i can "pull" as in put it behind me and continue on with life. no no, this is something i have to PUSH. as in, it is always right in front of me. i can barely see around it and, yet, in order to get through the day i have to push this fucking boulder along. literally every moment i'm thinking about oxycontin. I'll be teaching a class, or talking to you (my friend) or doing the laundry or driving and singing a song on the radio, or having a beer, or eating a delicious meal, or hugging someone, or kissing someone, or making a t0-do list, shopping for food, and yes...even running...and i will STILL have OC on my mind. i mean, literally, it's all i think about. so...what can i do really? stop? just stand there, in the middle of life, and stare at this big fucking ball of drugs blocking my way? or do i just start moving forward again and push it along?