Monday, August 9, 2010

Push it along...

Over this summer, I've been sinking deep into nostalgia for my childhood and by that I mean i've been listening to pretty much only wu-tang, ODB's first solo album and TONS of tribe called quest and de la soul.

on tribe's first record (People's instinctive travels and the paths of rhythm), the very FIRST track is called "push it along." not a bad jammer, to be sure. however, the interlude section in between "push it along" and "luck of lucien" has phife blabbing strange shit over that soul-clap beat and he talks about titling the first song and how he came across a boulder blocking his path and he couldn't pull he had to push it. ...and then i was like "oh shit, i get it now" i mean...for the first time since i was like...what? 12? 13? when i bought that CD?

anyway, it's the perfect analogy for this drug withdrawal process. this is not something that i can "pull" as in put it behind me and continue on with life. no no, this is something i have to PUSH. as in, it is always right in front of me. i can barely see around it and, yet, in order to get through the day i have to push this fucking boulder along. literally every moment i'm thinking about oxycontin. I'll be teaching a class, or talking to you (my friend) or doing the laundry or driving and singing a song on the radio, or having a beer, or eating a delicious meal, or hugging someone, or kissing someone, or making a t0-do list, shopping for food, and yes...even running...and i will STILL have OC on my mind. i mean, literally, it's all i think about. so...what can i do really? stop? just stand there, in the middle of life, and stare at this big fucking ball of drugs blocking my way? or do i just start moving forward again and push it along?

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