Friday, December 24, 2010

Holidazed and Mistletoe-ing the Line.

My brother is in town for the festivities. In his honor:

I remember when A-trak just used to scratch. Yeah, i know! I'm fuckin' old! and so is he!

Well, let's see here now uh...I've been off dat bad ol' methadope for about 6 days! Whoa almost a week! That also means i've gone almost a week without SLEEPING! how does he do it folks?!

-jerking off
-slapping own face
-saying things like "oh just fall asleep you dumb fuck."

occasionally if i take everything in the medicine cabinet that says "may cause drowsiness, especially when mixed with alcohol" and i combine it in a big punch bowl full of beer...i can get about two hours of sleep. then i reawaken, completely impervious to the boat load of cold medicines i just took.


i went to my doctor and i told him "hey, i know we don't get a chance talk much, buddy old pal, but lemme give you a brief rundown of my 2010..."

...debriefing (in the informative sense, i swear) ensues...

doc: "oh ok, yeah, we've got a little combo that we use for inmates that have to rapid detox before going to prison."
me: "does it involve hiding stuff in my asshole?"
doc: "no. it's a blood pressure medication to help keep your heart from crawling out of your mouth and also a high-powered, non-narcotic antihistamine you can double down on before bed to get some sleep."
me: (after disappointed pause) "that sounds great! i'll take it!"
dock: "lastly, i'm really surprised to hear all of this because i generally consider myself to be really sharp at noticing addictions. i had no CLUE at ALL! hahahaha!"
me: "ahhahahaha! crazy! this is crazy! it's crazy how long i'm typing this stupid conversation!"

apparently, i make a FUCKING AWESOME drug addict! i can't wait to put my skills to use once i get my hands on some high-test smack! kidding!

anyway, the worst worst worst part about withdrawals is trying to get myself to run. after all year of hard work, it sucks to get sidelined by something stupid for which you've no one to blame but yourself! bummer!

it's 6:00am and your junky body won't sleep anymore, do you know where your favorite beer is?

trick question, it's already on my cereal! YESH!

i swear i'll have a running post up soon. i just need my magic solar cosmic sundial watch to down transmit it's data to my little white brain...the one with keys on it that i stare into way too many hours out of the day. yesh.

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