Dances with Dirt DNF

well, my first 50 miler was a bust. i signed up for the Run Woodstock 50 almost immediately after returning home in shame, so i'll give it another try in a couple weeks.

rules i had set out for myself prior to Dances with Dirt:

-don't race anybody. just finish.

-two-week taper

-aim for 12-min overall pace

mistakes during DWD that led to DNF:

-raced people...all of whom turned out to be 50k runners who finished at 31 miles, by which point i was finished too (why didn't i check their bibs?)

-three-day taper

-ran 9:30/mile until i could ONLY shuffle at 12:00/mile

Lastly (and this one really kills me), because i had to camp the night before the race i couldn't go to the methadone clinic in the morning...and after running for 6+ hours i think withdrawals really made a punishing race just totally unbearable. i sort of knew something was weird in the morning when my feet, of all things, were really aching. i hadn't run for three days, my feet hadn't hurt in weeks and the day before my feet/legs/everything had felt great...but the morning of the race they feel like they're bruised all along the bottom? i ignored it at the time (what would i have done about it anyway?) ...but as the race went along and i also got weird cramps in my inner thighs (a place i've NEVER had a cramp before while running) ...i guess i'm concluding that my dependence on methadone affected my ability to run...and that makes me so fucking mad at myself i can't stand it. after all that training (and work at quitting drugs), i am saddened that this on-going addiction recovery has cast such a long shadow over my running now, as well as other parts of my life.

Big plus to the weekend, however, included Gabbo's first turn as my "crew." She anticipated every little whine and bitch that i had and did her homework on each leg of the course before i got to it, so i was dry when i needed to be dry and fed when i needed to be fed and caffeinated when i was droopy, etc. Then, when i first tried to quit, she joined in and ran with me...for the ONE section of the course that involved wading through crotch-deep muck that smelled like baby shit. So...basically, i'm indebted to her for at least the rest of the fall. Hopefully i will get to return the favor sometime next year and crew for her.

Run Woodstock is in a little more than a week. It's my last chance for 50 miles before winter settles over us.