do i even run anymore?

Mon 1/10/11- 50 minutes of slogging around with Jill, my trainee. i shivered off more calories than i ran. i was shaking so badly i could barely drive home. maybe 4 miles?

tues- 3 miles in between last class and tutoring session. it was a full blown blizzard at this point. fun running. poorly dressed.

wed- snow day. no classes. 1 mile with dog. i don't want to talk about it.

thurs- maybe 6 miles around munson. slogging through snow. strength training class afterwards, 60 minutes. good 2:15 workout. i like those.

friday- 10 miles at wildwood, microspiked. this was a haul. the trails are smoosh and the spikes were only sort of helpful. i worked too hard for these 10 miles. my hip is bothering me from last sundays concrete pounding.

saturday- 4 miles at wildwood. i just quit on this one.

sunday- weird gym workout. 3 miles on t-mill doing uphill stuff. then i ran over to the squat machine, did 220lbs (about 14 reps) then jumped back on the t-mill, did 400 w/u, 400 at 12% and 9:45/mile, 400 down and then another 400 up. then back to squat machine for more of the same. then back to t-mill for a repeat performance, finished it off with about 22 reps at 220lbs on squat machine. fried. but THEN, jumped on stairmaster and finished with a pretty vigorous 15 minutes of rapidly taking the steps two-at-a-time for some BIG step ups. my hams/glutes/calves were very pleased about this whole deal. finished with about 6 total miles ran and a lot of sweat left all over the gym. wrapped up with a core routine that i like. i would call this a LT threshold/ass-beating work out. but i've been pretty displeased with myself this week so i feel like deserved some beat down.

TOTAL: 34 miles. i'm not even going to try to justify this one. i really need a kick in the ass or some kind of spark to get me back on track. i mean, i'm not just trying to chase miles (or really yeah i am) but i mean, more important to me is that i FELT LAZY this week. i felt totally fucking out of it and disinterested in everything. i know this sort of depression well and i'm really not in the mood to deal with it right now. the problem is: what do you do? patience rarely pays off, especially when races are looming. i gotta get my head straight and quick.