Saturday, October 6, 2012

Running or Drugs? A Special Game!


A lot of people make the "running is my addiction!" or "running is my drug!" analogy. It's a funny correlation to draw, though. I've found myself dwelling on it, lately. I dunno why. I dunno why I do anything.

Given my past, I thought...Hey! Let's make a totally stupid blog post out of this idea that running is also like having a chemical addiction!! The parallels might BLOW MINDS!!!

You can play along at home, True Believer! Let's get going!!

In each sentence, choose "running" or "doing shitloads of drugs" to complete the sentence. Every correct answer is a point, most points wins!

READY? GO!!!!!

1.) I've called in "sick" to work or taken a vacation day because of running/doing shitloads of drugs.
(Not often, but...it's happened.)

2.) I've arrived late and a little out of sorts for various functions because I was running/doing shitloads of drugs beforehand.

5.) Sometimes I worry that I'm not bringing as much energy and concentration to other important parts of my life because of my running/doing shitloads of drugs.

34.) Occasionally, I feel like I can barely sweat out another hour at my job because I'm thinking about running/doing shitloads of drugs.

53.2 c ) I spend most of my time at work thinking about running/doing shitloads of drugs and even sneaking little breaks for running/doing shitloads of drugs.

69.) I've had people ask me "Hey, are you doing OK today?" because I arrived to work or a social function totally wiped-out after running/doing shitloads of drugs.

420.) I have turned down fun invitations from friends, spending time with loved ones and even casual sex in order to have more time for running/doing shitloads of drugs. The casual sex thing is really sad, hahaha, but true!

8==> When life hands me some shit, running/doing shitloads of drugs helps me deal with it.

( . )( . ) When life hands me some awesomeness, running/doing shitloads of drugs is my way of celebrating!

3.) I find it difficult to totally relate to people who aren't also into running/doing shitloads of drugs.


1.) I can't imagine getting through life without running/doing shitloads of drugs.

1.) I need running/doing shitloads of drugs to help me feel like "me."


1%) I've picked myself up off of the floor because of running/doing shitloads of drugs and then...running/doing shitloads of drugs was the first thing I wanted to do!

666.) I've puked because of running/doing shitloads of drugs!

23.) I've gotten laid because of running/doing shitloads of drugs!

Hahahha, ok ok. #23 is a freebie. No one has gotten laid because of running! Heehee!

I hope you got the Big Joke here, True Believer. I just want you to feel good!

Whether you're doing shitloads of drugs AND/OR running, I hope that it's worth it for ya! I mean, c'mon...life's 2 SHORT to be fuckin' around!



Love,
Pat.



5 comments:

GZ said...

Holy crap this is AWESOME.

I have passed out on the floor of my bathroom with my pants around my knees only to have my wife wake me to get me into the shower because of running / doing a shitload of drugs.

P. said...

i have spent an entire weekend wandering around a forest, shaking and sweaty, shitting behind bushes and unable to make conversations with strangers because of running/doing shitloads of drugs.

J. said...

hahahahahahahahahahaha

I am sitting in a corporate office watching business people schmooze about running/doing shitloads of drugs.

Golfing. Cocaine. Morphine. Repeat.

Love,
Your Truest Believer

Dave said...

Best post ever, anywhere. I just read it to my girlfriend, who was almost falling down laughing. Also, she disagreed with the last one. Double also, she is imaginary. Triple also, I run a lot and am chafed down there.

P.S. J is a false truest believer. At best, he/she/it/Joe Biden is your doing shit-tons of drugser-up believer.

J. said...

Dave,

Fuck off! <3

J