" so, i'm sitting here on a saturday afternoon. in my room. i went for a run with no plan. which is fine but i just wasn't in it. i cut things a bit short, came home, and now i'm having some whiskey and enjoying that much more than running. ebb and flow.
i was watching the 10th episode of breaking bad's 5th season. if i wrote that in Bible chapters it'd be 5:10. it's funny that if you write anything in Bible chapters it comes out looking like time. Huh.
i stopped watching 5:10 because i suddenly remembered a dream i had several months ago. i was in a suburban house. no frame of reference for it. it wasn't based on anything. the best dreams have no basis in reality. so yeah, this one was off the map, in terms of references and bases.
it was nighttime and summery. the dream didn't feel like there was any day. like time didn't pass. it was only night and warm. i was with two people. a girl and a boy, i think. we were in our early 20's or so, it felt like. and we left this suburban house and went into the backyard. it was a grassy slope, fenceless and there was this very tall and dark forest behind the house that drops further and further down this slope. the lights of the house, like the outdoor lights, lit up the periphery of the forest but...you know...the light didn't go aaaallll the way in. such is life with impenetrably dark dream forests.
so, we walk down the slope and into the forest. we can still see the house and the lights from the house are casting long shadows through the forest. we are walking around a big tree stump when we see a baby bear. we're really happy about seeing the baby bear and there's this feeling of love and goodness. i have a camera and i take photos of my two friends with the baby bear. it's very cuddly and we are petting it and taking photos. the baby bear doesn't have bear paws but human hands. but that isn't odd in the dream.
as we're holding the baby bear and it's playing with us and us with it, we see the mother bear coming up from below us. remember that this whole forest is on a slope. so, we see the mother coming up, out of the forest and it's clearly a bad deal. we are panicking and the mother bear is rushing at us now. we're still near this big stump and we're sort of doing that thing where we circle around the stump trying to keep the mother bear on the other side. so there's like glimpses of the mother bear, as i look around the stump to see which way she's coming. then i dart around the stump, trying to protect myself.
there's this image of wolves now. in the dream. like i start seeing in my mind, a bunch of wolves in the forest. my perspective in the dream switches between "me" darting around the stump, horrified of the mother bear, and the perspective of many wolves, deeper in the forest, watching the mother bear and "me" circle around the stump. there's also these old feelings/images of wolves in general. just like wolves living in the forest and running together.
so, when my perspective is back as "me" behind the stump, i suddenly realize that i'm a wolf. the boy and girl are gone. i can still see the house. i'm still very afraid and panicking. still circling around the stump desperately, but i'm now a wolf. not a human anymore.
i start running away from the stump, and the mother bear is chasing me now. i'm running down the slope, deeper into the forest. the lights of the house get dimmer, are further away, and the forest is darker and darker. and i'm running faster and faster. the hill slants more and more steeply downwards and i'm running and my legs, my paws, are not able to keep up with the how steep the slope has become, but it doesn't matter because now i'm just free falling into a vertical forest. it's darker and darker until it's totally black and i'm falling through empty blackness until i wake up, sweating and gasping for breath.
that's it, guys! have a great saturday! "
The End. ...Or Is It? MWAHHAHAHAHAHAH!
No, it wasn't the end, though. Quick pic.
Dad, brother, and I running during my U.S. vacation almost a month ago. God, it's been a while since I've clackity-clackity'd on this fucking blug!
I'll never leave you, Truest Bluest Believer! I think about you day and night. It's only right.