Sunday, May 1, 2011

"Extra Dark, Extra Salty" Week Ending 5/1/11

The theme for this week was definitely "Extra dark. Extra salty." And fat people.

Gabbo and I are broken up. It was all my fault, but life will do what it does. Namely, grind forward inexorably until I die. So...I've got THAT going for me...

Running this week was challenging. I was on spring break from the school, which meant I just picked up as many hours as possible at the bike shop. That much standing, wrench turning and pretzel eating really did a number on my already shitty-feeling hips and always shitty-feeling shoulders. I got to watch a lady fall off of and scuff up a $1200.00 road bike though. Her fat-ass husband was really pushing her towards a $2200.00 bike right off the bat...thankfully she thought better of test riding it. That kicked off a huge conversation amongst everyone at work about fat people. There's so many of them in this part of the country it's sick. My take: if you're looking for a form of body modification, go for facial tattoos or something. Don't stuff food in your mouth until your body is a swollen blob. While a facial tattoo might say "I have sort of checked out of a large portion of society," being fat just says "I have sort of checked out all those starving masses and I decided that I don't give a fuck. Fuck'em. And fuck my once-healthy body, too. I don't give a shit."

They don't deserve those healthy bodies.

Rant over.

I ran in the Pinckney Marathon this morning and placed 5th overall, 3:38:?? The winner came in at 3:11:00, so no...not a lot of fast guys. More important than not being chicked (which doesn't really matter to me at all) is that I did beat the two Ultra-Clones (bearded, long hair, shaved legs, MT 101's, etc). Actually, it was a fairly eventful run as these things tend to go, but I don't feel like giving a play by play at all.

I finished and was covered in salt crust. I don't know what this means regarding my health, but I'm assuming it has something to do with the photo at the top of this post.

The course was two abbreviated loops of the Potowatomi Trail. This guy knows it well. He spanked it last fall as part of the course for the Run Woodstock 50. The Poto is a great, very runnable trail. Good times. Trainee Jill finished her first half-marathon at the same event. Kill-tastic.

With this race over, I don't have anything big on the radar for a while. 5K next weekend for a buddy's charity organization. The University of Toledo 10K. Stuff like that. I'm fairly geeked for the Great Lakes Relay in July. I'm captaining our team of 10, which includes several old friends that I have not seen in many years. It should be such a good damn time.

Congrats go out to Lucho and Dave who are killing so hard that I may dig out a bunker under the house in which to hide my dreams...

I hope everyone else is having such a good damn time, too. We're young(ish), very healthy and we live in the easiest, safest country in the whole world. Let's smile a little bit about all of that.


Dave said...

This post is amazing in so many ways. But first, really sorry about the break-up. Attributing fault isn't really important at times like that, and based on what I gather from your writing alone, you will do great things just by being yourself. So it goes.

Moving on to the important stuff--fat people. Holy crap the facial tattoo thing was simultaneously funny and interesting. And awesome job on the race! Read the course description, and it sounds epic. You really need to give context to that time--some quality runners haven't been that fast in the past. Hope the legs are not totally shredded!

P. said...

Dave, your capacity for silver-lining application is tremendous! Thank you!

You're right in that I should have included a better course description, I was lax in my reporting (and very liberal in my application of the word "fuck." a crutch.)

My plan for any upcoming races is to more-fully flesh out your outline for a professional grade race report. Your manifesto, if you will. A manfleshto, if you may. Huh.

Your Sherman-esque march westward is a joy to observe. Slay on.


Jes said...

This post cracked me up. I hate fat people, too.

Bummer about the break up, though.