Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Mo' road running, mo' horse skulls.
Truest! How I've missed you! Let me count the ways...
1, 2, 3, 4...5k
The local paper sponsored a 5k last Sunday morning. It was a few blocks from my nest of rags and tree branches, so I figured "What the hell!...is a failed-state man-child like myself doing mingling with the general public?"
I've really been enjoying these shorter races this year. Plus, they've all been free! VIVA CHILE!
The start is always a cluster fuck at these things. I did my best to be at the front of the line, but was elbowed back by a chubby guy wearing baggy shants, gnashing his teeth, boiling over with the furious running he was about to unleash on the rest of us poor fools.
He went out sprinting and died within 200 meters. Literally. His head exploded...but don't worry, I was wearing sunglasses.
The rest of us managed to form a loosely strung together pack, all chasing this local cop who wins EVERY FUCKIN' RACE in this part of Chile. Dude's a beast.
So, yeah, not much else to say. We all chased after the cop. (You'd think, given most people's attitude towards cops, that we'd have gone a little faster, eh?) There were a handful of university track/cross guys, some strong club-affiliated dues and then a couple local weirdos...which would obviously include me, the lone gringo. In my 2013 color scheme: black on black. Uh. #54.
18:01 for a (slightly long, I swear) 5k. I finished 5th or 6th, I'm not sure which and they never post results here. Which is awesome in my opinion. If you didn't podium, what the fuck it matter what place you got, chump? Train harder and you'll know EXACTLY where you finished. The harder you train, the easier it'll be to figure out!
Hahaha, apparently all this thug rap has got me typing in my big-boy voice!
Afterwards, I went for a long, hilly jog through the, uh, hills. The big news of the day? I FOUND MY SECOND HORSE SKULL!!!
My landlord told me he thought it was a cow skull, but cows only chew cud and they got themselves some FUCKED UP TEETH 'CAUSE OF IT! I told him thusly but he asked if we could agree to disagree. I told him he owed me for new roofing tin and the pricey length of custom made chimney tubing I bought. Then I asked his girlfriend if her special spot was too NB MT10 for the part of me that's surely size-12 Hoka.
I used to have a strict rule about blogging when I'm very drunk. I also used to have a life. Harumph. Easy come, easy go.
Unless, of course, we're talking about running.
Just be yourself, True Believer. Eventually, the stars will all line up for you. They'll all line up at some celestial race in the sky, nervously awaiting your starting gun. Just be so happy for them, True Believer. Just be so grateful and happy. Remember, True Believer...
...It's on 3.
3, 2 , 1