After 31 years of being overlooked by shoe companies, one finally pulled its shoe-making head out of its shoe-making ass. I'm happy to announce my 2014-15 racing will be completely funded by Cole Haan.
http://www.zerogrand.com/
Just gotta work off this udder-like beer gut and I'll be all set to rip. Milk me, True Believer, and I'll milk you right back.
Love,
Cow Patty.